Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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