so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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