you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
