Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
