i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
