i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
