That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
