Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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