I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Less talking, more tequila
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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