your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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