I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
