LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
