dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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