Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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