idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Im part way to drunk.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
