You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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