Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
