My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
