the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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