that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i came on her dog
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
