Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
