if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
