Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You smell like stripper and shame
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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