I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
