Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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