It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
