Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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