you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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