I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
