I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
