I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I believe in your delicious
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
