ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
