I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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