I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
