My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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