i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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