On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he puts the penis in happiness.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
