her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
