Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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