U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
