Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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