Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
