If i come over, it means nothing
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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