You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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