He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
