I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You may now shotgun with the bride
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
