no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
