Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
