I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
