I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
